The first week has passed largely with a rush of stories, experiences, and emotions that could constitute at least a half a dozen blog posts in and of themselves.
Unfortunately, time just didn’t permit those posts, and I can’t help but feel that really is something tragic in that. See, my mind still bubbles with ideas that eventually become carefully articulated words. When I don’t write, it’s just because the dictation just didn’t quite make it to my fingertips.
Like all my writing, I picture my blog posts as if I were presenting it to a crowd.
I feel the emotion and hesitancies and body movements as they align with my words. That’s why writing used to annoy me so much, because prose alone felt like expression in isolation.
I can’t say that sense is fully gone. Though I have learned how to put more meaning in my words, and I appreciate that ability immensely.
Besides that fact that I just expect it to be fun, that’s one of the reasons I’m taking Acting 1 this semester (3rd semester you try to get in is the charm:) I’m very fascinated with the relationship between text and presentation and look forward to increasing mastery of communication techniques.
Aside from acting, I’m in your standard junior CSS classes, which are such a blessing. No kidding, I was beside myself with happiness last Thursday/Friday as I wrapped up my first paper.
The familiar rush of fear, time, failure, and dense readings mixes perfectly with new ideas, ruthless editing, a nervous,slap-happy laughter coming from distracting company, running to the other room to share the thesis you’ve finished after 4 hours of labor, and that final feeling when you realize it is 2pm and there is nothing else that can be done.
Then you go to class and pray that you can actually explain what you wrote to the class, if called upon to do so. You do so, just hoping that in first 10 minutes of class someone doesn’t say something to make you realize your essay doesn’t have a major factual error (cause that seriously happens in CSS).
But then the professor talks, and other people talk, and you talk, and you talk some more. And then you realize that you actually do have a grip on the material. At tutorial, even the driest of readings come to life. It’s like you can physically feeling your brain grow.
And then when you walk away from CSS and experience a little bit of the so-called real world, you are stunned to find the most-impacting text on your life is the desperately boring one you throughly fumigated over as a complete waste of time (shout out to Ricardo’s theory of rent).
It’s hard coming back, because the whole world moved on and filled in your place. But despite all that frustration, I’ve found comfort in a few friends and the familiar feel of intellectual stimulus like I’ve only ever known in forums like CSS and ISI.